Dating and Politics go together like… peanut butter and jelly, or oil and water? Can a Trump Supporter and an Obama fan find love? What to do if you and your partner have different views on reproductive rights? Being a feminist on the dating scene is tough. We have all had our share of dick pics, mansplaining and outright gross texts. But what happens when your potential mate admits to having a MAGA hat in his closet, or watches Fox News? What if the woman you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with makes weird racist jokes from time to time or is a climate change denier? Are these deal breakers?
Drawing from our personal experiences with grassroots political activism and dating in the era of trump, we hope to bring some clarity (and humor) to critical questions many of us have been asking ourselves during these polarizing political times.
Am I limiting myself or causing more of a problem by excluding any men on dating apps that identify as conservative or moderate?
I often find that when I include these men in my options, when I do match with them, politics comes up before we even make it to a drink and it aggravates both of us because the men will say something like “feminism is fake and feminists are ridiculous” or they will say my job at MSNBC is fake news.
But then I start to feel guilty because shouldn’t we be able to have rational, real, in-depth conversations with people who have opposing view-points? Shouldn’t we be striving to have these conversations? Am I part of the hyper-partisan problem by only being interested in men who share in my opinions and follow politics as much as I do?
Am I horrible for keeping some guy around even though I know we have completely different viewpoints just because he can..... scratch an itch for me in the interim?
GINA SAYS: I think if he is respectful, and open minded you can work with a moderate. RESPECTFUL and OPEN MINDED being the key. That being said, having fundamental differences in how you see the world will make things very hard. I would steer clear of anyone too far right on the spectrum and those that say feminism is a joke can go kiss your ass. As far as the side piece, I see no harm in using him to pass the time as long as he is aware of where he stands.
SAREY SAYS: The swamp is overgrown, time to weed out those trump supporters! Save yourself the headache and swipe left on anyone who supports 45. Chances are he’s a self-professed “nice guy” anyways, and we all know what that means.
Recently, my mom came to my place for a weekend visit and thru various conversations I had with her it was apparent that her bf’s viewpoints are rubbing off on her. Her compassion and tolerance is almost non existent -- these are traits she used to have in excess. So here's my question -- what do I do about this?! Do I tell my mom that her Trumper douche bf is passing along his shitty personality to her? Do I try and enlighten her? Or continue to avoid her phone calls? (Cuz that's what I've been doing since I dropped her off the airport).
GINA SAYS: This is tough. If you see your mother being negatively influenced, yes say something. Let her know she's better that. Also make sure she knows that if she continues down this path you will no longer be able to have a relationship. I personally am all for cutting toxic people out of your life. Also, maybe find someone that can go to her house and put parental controls on the channel for fox news.
SAREY SAYS: Sign her and her boyfriend up for as many liberal/socialist magazine subscriptions as you can afford. This should set them straight.
- Should politics be talked about pre or post sex? And if the sex is great, do politics
GINA SAYS: Hmmm. Does talking about big structural change or universal healthcare turn you on? Then sure, chat away at either juncture. But I don't see how someone chanting build that wall or lock her up is sexy so yes, politics do matter.
SAREY SAYS: During. Specifically, right before you climax, each person should shout out the name of the candidate they voted for in 2016.
Sarey's Tale: I will admit that I once knowingly (briefly) dated a trump supporter. As first it was kinda fun, I enjoyed giving him a hard time about trump's tweets, and he loved calling me a snowflake. A part of me liked the conflict. It was almost like foreplay. But when it came to serious topics of discussion like immigration, race and women's rights, the novelty wore off and I realized that for me, I couldn't seriously consider being with someone who held such diametrically opposing views.
About the Authors:
Gina Keller: I'm the happily married activist/femtrepreneur behind Nasty Woman Cosmetics. Having survived the dating scene in NYC for 10 years I believe I've seen it all. But hey, you never know...
Sareytales: I am an artist/activist based in Detroit turning ugly into art, one swipe at a time. Currently single, mingle at your own risk!
We need YOU! Please submit any and all dating, love and relationship questions as they relate to politics.
We want dig deep into these critically relevant topics, through the lens of finding love in the era of trump.
If your question gets selected, not only will it be featured in our Q&A style blog, but you’ll receive a lipstick from @NastyWomanCosmetics and a 5x7 matted print. of “Survival of the Feminist” from @sareytales
Submit your questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org or you can leave them in the comments below.
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