We are all very interested in politics and how the are shaping our country right now, we knew that, but having a relationship with someone so diametrically opposed is something that we are all trying to navigate, and not with just romantic partners. So many people wrote in with questions about issues with conservative family members we just knew it was necessary to devote a whole column to this issue.
According to our Instagram polling data:
- 68% said you have family or close friend that support the Trump administration.
- 63% said they avoid social obligations with friends and family who have differing political view points.
- 66% said you have cut ties with someone close over opposing political view points.
1. How do I stand my ground and not be hated as the only liberal in a conservatives family.
Choose your battles. Most of the hard core trump fans are too far gone to reason with so you'll have to let much of their shit go off you like water off a ducks back. Avoid confrontation when possible but, stand your ground. When all else fails use religion against them. I love to say to my church going trump supporting fam that I will pray for them so that god will bring them more empathy. ( I get these really confused looks from my Catholic family as I am a self professed atheist.)
Always keep in mind: Its better to be excluded for who you include than included for who you exclude.
Quote Trump in every response to any question they throw your way, political or not. I call this approach “Trump Tourettes”
Aunt Linda: How are you feeling today?
You: I’m a stable genius.
Gramma Mary: Would you like some more meatloaf?
You: Fake News!
Uncle Dave: This Ukraine investigation is complete nonsense!
You: Covfefe covfefe covfefe!
2. How to remain respectful to my in laws at thanksgiving even though I don’t respect them. (They are evangelical conservatives and are now saying things to my daughter that are false and conflicts with our morals.)
I would channel your inner Michelle Obama. When they go low you go high. Also let them know you do not appreciate the comments made to your daughter. At this point I am sure they know your beliefs and they need to respect that when it comes to her. Any reasonable person would understand they crossed the line. As far as keeping the peace at the holidays, if at all possible try to focus on family and non political topics. Should they be unable to keep their racists comments to themselves, I would say it may be time to have that conversation with them about needing to limit their visits if they can not keep their toxic views to themselves.
Tell them you are trying to raise your daughter to form her own opinions and while they are entitled to theirs, you’d appreciate it if you’d leave the parenting to you. You can also toilet paper their house and blame it on Mike Pence.
This one hits home as I am in the same position. My 9 year old's bestie has his fox news, trump loving grandparents watching him after school every day. To see how this has affected said friend, I have watched to two boys interact at school events and have had him over the house several times. He seems to be a good friend to my son and hasn't said any remarks I would deem racists or insensitive so I am letting the friendship play out. Luckily it's only the grandparents who feel that way. The boys mother and father are both liberal minded so I am sure this child gets his fair share of re-calibrating after time spent with the older family members. If my child was younger, preschool aged, I would direct him towards another friend. It's easy at that age. Just say, "Sorry Johnny, Timmy can't play today." Once they hit grade school he will likely find a new bestie anyway.Just remember, monkey see monkey do with kids. If one starts shouting build the wall in the school cafeteria you want to make sure yours has the sense to stay away. You are the company you keep. Make sure for your child's sake he learns that early.The last thing you want is for him to come home from a play date wearing a MAGA hat.
Change school districts ASAP.
4. My children's grandparents dismiss my mixed kids culture.
What should I do?
Have you confronted them and asked why? Is it simply because they can not relate with the other culture and would need guidance or are they just snubbing 50% of your child on purpose? Let's say its the first... perhaps invite them over for dinner and have the kids and grandparents partake in helping you cook a meal from the other culture. Have the whole family in the kitchen with you and tell stories of where the dish came from and talk more about your culture. If it's the latter, well ick. I would confront them with your husband to show a united front. Make it as civil as possible. Let them know that you feel offended. No change will happen unless you make sure they are aware how you feel. Give them time to process. If you see no attempts to try and rectify the situation spend less time with them. Why let their grandparents pretend that part of them doesn't exist?
HAVE DIFFERENT ANSWERS? LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!
About the Authors:
Gina Keller: I'm the activist/femtrepreneur behind Nasty Woman Cosmetics. I block trump loving family members on facebook and start group DMs with my cousins to make fun of them behind their backs. (It's cathartic.)
Sareytales: I am an artist/activist based in Detroit turning ugly into
art, one swipe at a time. Political views: Pro: Choice / Anti: Trump
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